My husband and I have been married for over 15 years and together for almost 20. I knew that when we started dating, there was a possibility that he would be in some form of Law Enforcement because – well, it’s a legacy honestly. His Dad, brother, sister, uncles and Great Grandfather are well known in the industry of law enforcement, so I had expected that he would follow in their footsteps one day and that would be his calling. A few years ago he made the commitment to become a Corrections Officer, or a CO which is a common term used in the field. I knew what we were getting into as a family, but little did I know how it would affect us and our lifestyle moving forward.
It’s been almost 3 years since my husband was sworn in to be a Corrections Officer and since this is a Lifestyle site, I figured I would turn this particular post into a series, like my “Confessions of a Stay at Home Mom”. After a few years, I’ve decided that this would be a great way for me to vent, share my ramblings and my support for this man I love. So – stay tuned for more of these types of posts in the future. Now, let’s get into what it’s like to be a Corrections Officer’s Wife.
What it is like to be a CO’s Spouse… the shortened version!
Let’s start with the statistics, shall we? Corrections Officers have a 39 percent higher suicide rate than any other occupation, with a life expectancy of only 58 years. Many don’t realize that that is 20 years less than the average American. With mental illnesses like PTSD, anxiety and depression being a huge issue for CO’s in the industry and high divorce rates increasing consistently over the years. As a couple, my husband and I knew the statistics, but we also know how strong our relationship is, though – I’ll be honest, this job has had its challenges on our strength over the years.
As if those statistics were the only thing we had to look forward to, there is the actual job itself. Each day my husband walks through the gates of the facility he works in and each day I think about the dangers he faces behind the doors. As I watch him leave the house, I’m consistently reminded of what lurks in the buildings he works in and I have to entrust his co-workers, his comrades to have his back when I struggle to give up that right to anyone already. Disease, murderers, criminals – all of which he has to deal with on a daily basis, I have to entrust that he will have the right judgement calls to protect himself and believe that God will bring him home safely to me.
I understand that many in the field of law enforcement may have similar and high demands of what my husband has to deal with daily, but I also see that due to misconstrued issues, assumptions and past issues lend for Corrections Officers to have a bad reputation. The fact of the matter is, most Corrections Officers do the job of a Police Officer day in and day out with little to no protection or weapon outside of their own bodies, their fists – to protect themselves. They are the EMT (Emergency Medical Response / Paramedic) on scene, the Fireman to put out fires and the Police Officer with little to no recognition and much less resources than many of those uniformed enforcers have. They are unrecognized in their job and what they do – day in and day out and many people scoff at what they are because they are ill informed of their daily job or duties. My husband took an oath to serve a community and protect a population (inmates) and it can often be held against him or his fellow CO’s. Or, held against me, because I am married to a CO. The fact of the matter is – Police Officers spend a small portion of time with these criminals, inmates, those that are doing time… only to drop them off at the Correctional Facility where my husband spends his entire day with them until they are released, if they are released. Again, during this time only protecting himself with his own fists, no weapon to protect himself other than his eyes and his own body.
“He’s a Police Officer, EMT, Fireman all in one!”
I’ve often been asked why my husband doesn’t make appearances as often as he used to on my channel and blog and frankly, it has a lot to do with the safety of our family. It may seem like it is not a big deal or small sacrifices for great reward but the fact of the matter is – my husband is in a field most people know little about and those that think they know, are assuming or using strong allegation, rumor and no knowledge to judge appropriately. As a family, a job like this really pulls at the heart strings and waiting as my husband comes home each night safely is one of the hardest things I could have ever experienced as a wife.
We are a strong family that is close and we always have each others back, but something like this can definitely test your strength, your beliefs and your love. I’ve had sleepless nights, more so now after there have been issues in the modules where my husband has already been injured and I’m sure that this job will continue to weigh on my heart over the years. I’ve had to explain to our children why their dad could not come home in time to watch a performance, because there are times when there is a lock-down or he is required to work overtime. I’ve had to fight back tears when my husband comes home to tell me what he had to deal with at work. I am the protector of my household and children while my husband is away – bearing arms to protect us from dangers and staying strong when I know I just want to fall apart. But, as a proud wife of a Corrections Officer, I stand tall and thank God for his blessings and for protection over my husband as he continues in his career. It’s not an easy task, but hey, such is life – right?
If you are a CO’s wife, know that you are not alone. And while times can get tough and everything and anything will test your strength, there are women like us that are here for support. Like I mentioned before, I hope to have more of these in the future, so keep an eye out for that. Even if it’s just something to give you a little guidance or a few words to remind you that you’re not alone, I want to be able to share this with you.
Hold on, have Faith! You are not alone! – Honey
39 Comments
What an eye opening article!!! I look forward to hearing more. Thank your husband for all of his hard work and keeping us safe.
I appreciate this post so much. My husband has been a CO for just over a year now and we’ve already seen that this job has it’s many downs more than ups. I thank God for my family and their constant support while I’m home with our daughter alone as my hubby works 3 days of doubles in a row and sleeps during the day. I want him to know that we support him no matter what, but as most of you probably witness, sometimes the anxiety/depression grips him like a vice. Just happy to know I’m not alone.
Hello Toni. Thank you for your comment. My husband has transitioned to a position out of the law enforcement sector and I’ll be honest, I am so glad he did. It’s been a couple of months but so far things have been different. After so many years of watching him deal with depression, I was beginning to struggle with it all myself as well. He still struggles with bouts of PTSD and it’s a challenge to go out in public even after he has left the job. He still looks over his shoulder and after being injured numerous times for takedowns, he still deals with the pains of those as well. It’s not easy and hasn’t been an easy transition, but I am hoping it gets better with time. I’m not certain if it is something he’ll return to doing, but still a difficult situation altogether. I am here for you if you need someone to talk to and I plan to discuss more about this in other posts in the future. Even if he is no longer at that job, law enforcement runs deep in his family and I don’t know if he may decide to go back to it. Either way, I am here and will always be here if you need anyone to talk or vent to. Feel free to email me.
Same as well. My fiance has been a CO for over a year now and I didn’t realize how hard it is for him and how depressed he gets or how he developed new habits that came with the job and I feel for him. As for me it hasn’t been easy as well with my illnesses, school, work etc. Its overwhelming .
Thank you so much for your comment Betty. It is a difficult type of job in any relationship. Please let me know if you need someone to talk to. I’m thankful that my husband has since moved on to a different job because it truly took its toll on our family life.
I just need advice ig. Like my significant other wants to find a new job but fears on if he leaves he feels like he’s letting some of his family down when I don’t feel the same. I feel as though if you’re not happy then go find something new. He’s the one working the job not his family but what do ik
Honestly… you need to make sure that you tell him that he’s not letting you or the family down. Sometimes the job is just too draining on relationships. I feel the same, if you’re not happy, then time to find something new.
If I can add anything. My husband went from C.O. to captain. If he wants to leave, encourage it. But if he stays it will require alot of support from you. It can take alot out of a person and family I’d you let it. Best of luck.
Yes, I absolutely agree~
Excellent article that really explains what a CO’s life is like. I think it’s movies that show them in a bad light yet they are just there to protect people.
I’m addicted to those shows “Locked Up”, Jail, Locked Down – it gives inside looks to the environment. I do not envy his job at all. Stress dealing with other unpredictable people would be too much for me. He is a strong person – physically & mentally. & hugs to you for being the half that is his foundation. 🙂
Hi .my name is Sheryl and my husband has been in law enforcement most of our 32 years of marriage,. I am a faith filled woman of God but truely feel tested at time between the treatment he get from inmates but how staff treats others,. We have been honest with each other to help ease the weight he carries …but lately I am struggling and asking God why is this happing ? He currently is in a pod that has a 22 year old women that stays naked all the time no matter how often she is told to put her clothes back on or restrictions she has been given, she still takes her clothes off ..my husband is a man of integerty …but it bothers me that this happening, I know this has happened at many times …but this is different, I keep praying for her and I find it difficult and I have been praying for my husband …..he is coming up on retirement and I feel the stress of am I enough ..I know that God is and I desperately am seeking his help in stopping by what is happening now. Broken heart me
Dearest Sheryl, Thank you for stopping by and reading my post. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with all of this and I know all too well how tested we can feel, no matter how much we believe in God. This type of job is not easy and man oh man, I know how much it can weigh on a relationship, no matter how strong the bond between the two of you. As strong as my bond and relationship with my husband, I struggle knowing that there are women locked up that really push the limits and it can be such a challenge. I am a whole-hearted believer that God only puts the challenges before those whom he knows can rise above and do it, but I often feel like I just can’t do it. If you EVER and I mean EVER need someone to talk to, please feel free to reach out to me. Even if you just need someone to listen to you, I’m here. Sending all the love your way this holiday season. <3 Honey email me at beautybyhoney@gmail.com
I am happy to find this site and all of the above is all too familiar. It is a balance with each other. The wife of a C.O. can be pretty lonely at times. With swing shifts, overtime and the sleep they require when they are able to be at home leaves little free time for them with their families.
The worry can be overwhelming at times, their safety, physical health and mental health. It is a lot and very few realize what all they deal with.
Thank you again for this touchstone
Wow, I had no idea that corrections officers faced those shocking statistics. I’m glad to hear that your family is strong and your relationship and faith are up to the challenge <3
I’ve heard stories about the harrowing experiences CO’s have…and really commend you husband on his tough job. Family is everything <3
Thank you so much for sharing this information. COs perform such an important function and I had no idea that the tolls of the job contributed such risks to their mental health, but it makes total sense. It is not easy to spend all your days with such a difficult population.
my bff/kids godfather is a CO. The stories he tells…man.
Wow, those are some shocking stats! Your family’s strength and love is inspiring <3
This is such a great post – COs are important in law enforcement so I salute your husband! <3
Your husband is doing important work and he is lucky to have so much loving, strong support at home, where he needs it, most.
I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you and your family. This is really eye-opening to read.
I applaud him for the job he is doing and the fact that you are an amazing support system for him. My cousin is married to a CO as well and from what she tells me it can be very stressful. Gor the past few months he has had to work double shifts every single day to help pick up the slack at work. Sending hugs to you because I can understand the worry that you go through when he leaves for work.
thank you so much <3 I appreciate you coming by and leaving some love. I applaud your cousin for being the rock as well. It's not an easy job but we do the best we can with what we have <3
I feel your pain… my husband is a CO in Hawaii… and everyday he leaves with that uniform on i pray to god for a safe return to myself and our 5 year old daughter… i watch many prison show like “Behind Bar Rookie Years” just to see what life of a CO is all about… its different to watch a show… then knowing thats what our husband go thru day in and day out… Reality stuck the other day when i got the call…. “babe everything is alright… nobody injured but i need another set of uniform” my heart was racing… my stomach was turning… i too was holding back tears in front of my daughter… he comes out to grab his uniform from me… our daughter races to hug him… but he couldnt cause he had blood on his pants from a inmate… i saw spots of blood on his under shirt… our daughter had such sadness in her eyes because she couldnt hug her daddy… later in the car she asked mommy did a bad person hurt my daddy… i told her no honey daddy help a bad person from making bad decisions … the bad person was bleeding a little so daddy had to take him to get help… she then replied mommy daddy my hero cause he not only watch bad people… but he also take care of them when they are mean and get them help so they become good again… mind you that just came out of our 5 year old mouth… i honor you from one CO wife to another… stay strong… be strong god bless you and your family #LifeOfACorrectionOfficersWife
Girl… I honor you, from one CO wife to another… it takes a strong woman to stand by her man, when she knows the duties of his job never are easy. God bless you and your family. Love from Maui ❤
thank you so much for reading. It is not an easy job for most people to do and someone who does it day in and day out – it’s a struggle. I applaud ladies like you who keep it together and hold it together and hold it down. We need that – they need that. I’m here if you need to talk girl <3 xo
Wow! I can’t even imagine honestly! It’s amazing that you’re able to be there to support him and your family! Those statistics are scary as hell so I know it takes a lot of work and communication between the two of you to keep things in check! I applaud both of you!
thank you 🙂 No job is easy… not even the McDonald’s Drive Thru person has an easy job… we all just kind of got to take it in stride to the best of our ability. It’s hard work and as a family it definitely takes its toll… but I’m thankful he comes home every night <3 thanks for stopping by.
Thank you for sharing this. I am in a new relationship. He has been a Co for 18 years. I was told that I may want to do some research before pursuing this relationship. This was actually suggested by him. We have both been married and divorced, not to mention, we are both at 50 years of age. Im not going to lie…the things I have read have scared me. Period. I have a lot to process, but honestly…with the past relationships I have had, I know how much strength I’m capable of having…it’s his that I’m concerned about. I can only imagine the future of his emotional well-being. Or even if Im gonna be enough to get him through it without hating each other in the end. Again, thank you for the article. Im looking forward to seeing more on this. Peace ~ Love & Butterfly Kisses
Hi Lisa. I believe you are capable of loving and having strength, as your new relationship with your new guy… but many men (especially men) are really struggling in this line of work because they don’t know what to do with their emotions and therefore are struggling with themselves. It doesn’t help that due to confidentiality issues, they really can’t talk much about work. I believe you are more than enough for him, but it can’t be easy if he is struggling with his own. Wishing you lots of love and looking forward to hearing how things are going.
I’m so glad I found your Blog. I have a friend I’ve known since eighth grade and have reunited with. He is a licensed firearm instructor and went to the Colonial Academy to become a CO. However for some reason they didn’t let him continue through the process and he was 2 weeks away from graduating. I notice he became very moody while going through the process but I didn’t know because it was other personal things he was going through. But he told me the academy was kicking his ass and when I wanted to see him when he came home on the weekends, its like he shut me out and stayed home relaxing. Now its different and he wants to spend more time with me. I like him a lot I just don’t want to be the lover friend and therapist if we decide to take our relationship further. But I’m used to it. So I might as well make ends meet. I know my Dad is a retired CO and he has told me some stories and he is stubborn so I could understand. But well see where the road leads. Please keep blogging. I have a blog too. So I’m going to start talking about this soon. Thank you, God Bless! ~Queen
Sadly, many women (and men) tell me that they go through similar when their spouse is going through training or after their first few years. Even after years of being a CO, it can be such a struggle for them to work through their feelings. Some can handle it while others don’t know how to deal with the emotions they have built up inside. I wish you all the luck and please come back and let me know how things are goings.
Ty for this blog. I am the wife of a CO, and we have personality challenges. My husband can be very emotional cold at times. We’ve been married 4 months although he’s been a CO for 23 years I think a lot is job related. I am a CNA and just finished my nursing program. The financial life style is great, but …… thanks for sharing.
Hi there. So sorry I’m just getting this now. I hope and pray that all works out. Emotionally cold on either end can be difficult in any relationship, but in one where there is a CO can be so much harder because they can’t often share their feelings because of confidentiality. Praying for all.
While I’m not the wife of a CO, my boyfriend has been one for a little over a month. He’s a rookie. We’ve already experienced the changes that come with the job. He’s become cold and pushes me away, only to be himself around his roommate, who is also a CO at the same facility. He thinks I don’t understand what goes on in there, and I can’t lie, I don’t. I try to talk to him but he shuts me down. I suffer from the sleepless nights while he works 12+ hour shifts to provide for our future. When I should be asleep, he’s risking his life working night shift, and when I’m awake, he sleeps. It’s become a strain on our relationship, and makes me wonder if it will work out. I can’t lie, he’s the man I want to marry. He’s just struggling to separate his work life from home.
Hello Brooklyn, kinda stuck on the same situation. Glad you shared with us. I hope things have continuously worked out for your relationship.
Thank you so much for writing this article. It was such a breath of fresh air compared to other things written online from other CO spouses. Keep em coming!!! My husband is just joining the CO ranks and i am just looking at how to build up my confidence with this new adventure and to get a peak into this CO wife life. Too bad there isnt a mini class for the CO spouse for how to cope, how to support, making a support network with other CO spouses, etc. Thank you again so much for writing this!!
I am happy to find this site and all of the above is all too familiar. It is a balance with each other. The wife of a C.O. can be pretty lonely at times. With swing shifts, overtime and the sleep they require when they are able to be at home leaves little free time for them with their families.
The worry can be overwhelming at times, their safety, physical health and mental health. It is a lot and very few realize what all they deal with.
Thank you again for this touchstone