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sunday letters

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I am burdened with so many emotions right now.  Honestly, I’m excited because after months (maybe even a year) of not doing a post like this – I’m proud to say that Sunday Letters is up and running at this moment.  I’m excited because it seems like it’s been ages since I’ve been able to write like this.  But, on the other hand, I’m filled with dread and an overwhelming sense of anxiety building up inside.  My Sunday Letters posts are a way for me to get a bit personal here and a way for me to put myself out there for others to read.  I miss it, but use it as a way to hold me accountable of things I set forth for myself.  It’s been a long while since I’ve done a post like this – so I’m going to get real for a moment and get you all caught up.

sunday letters, women, quote, inspiration, idea, update, quote, inspire, women issues, woman, weight loss, depression, postpartum, health,

Ugh… where do I begin?  It’s already March and I have been sick so many times over the last few months that I can’t even count or begin to.  I rang in the new year with the flu and I feel like it’s just all piling up on me like the plague.  No matter what I do to get my health back in check, I find myself dwindling into the despair of sick and tired… literally.  I have also been struggling with my weight.  What the frick is up with my weight?  No matter what I do health wise, it seems like I’m putting on weight versus losing no matter the countless hours and sweat I put into trying to drop the pounds.  My skin has been freaking the frick out… like literally freaking out and my once good skin is now proving that it has an alter ego that is mean and evil.  My skin is freaking out so bad it is worst now than it had been when I was in my teens.  How is that even possible?  How could this be?

“Some women fear the fire, some women simply become it…” – R.H. Sin

I think the health issues I’ve been having over the last year have been something that has literally been keeping my faith and my energy down.  Over the last 6 months I’ve had every possible friend contact me and tell me “I have this new product line or product for you to try and it will make your health better, help you lose weight.”  Trust when I say I have heard it all.  What I really want to tell these friends is that “I’m not your get rich quick guinea pig that you can dump your new product on to make money off of.”  I know, I might be a little harsh here, but it’s true.  Instead of telling me… “I’m sorry that you are going through this, how can I help?”  I get “hey, try this product and start using it faithfully and it will help you get better quick.”  Who the frick do these people think they are talking to?  I’m just over it.

Over the last 8 months, I have had more tests done to me than people have had in their lifetime.  And, I might add – these are not easy on my body.  Taking blood is like seeing a vampire for a neck bite.  I don’t have easy veins and they are what phlebotomist call “disappearing veins” because they move or you think they are there but it’s all an illusion.  Just to get a blood test done, I get poked and prodded over 5 times and then the blood suckers don’t even get enough blood to complete their testing.  I had to have a CT Scan and Endoscopy done within the last 8 months as well and the CT scan required the technician to send me to an ultrasound tech to find my veins so he could start my IV, a procedure that should have taken 15 minutes took 2 hours.  My Endoscopy – again, finding my vein to start my IV posed a challenge for the nurses, so after poking my arm over 8 times, they finally found a vein in my hand which wound up collapsing eventually, resulting in a huge bruise and a vein I can probably no longer use.  Then, so have anesthesia rendered to put me to sleep so that I wouldn’t feel the scope down my throat, only for the medicine to not put me to sleep and I be up the entire time.  These are just a small amount of issues I have with my body each day and it’s frustrating.

I have been waking up each day with a lost of drive lately.  Those that know me, know that that is unusual for me.  It’s outside of the norm of what many have come to expect from me and my personality.  I’m just so overrun with emotions that it’s frustrating and I’m frustrated.

The other day I was chatting with a friend when she basically told me… to my face, “You just need to lose the weight and everything in your health and life will be better.”  What the fuck?  Don’t you think I have already tried or am trying to do that?  Don’t you think that I know all too well that my weight is probably an issue?   I try and stay with a program day in and day out and it hasn’t worked!  So then, I ask you – why isn’t it working if you say that that is my end all, fix all?  Why?

I know I have ranted and vented in this post more than what anyone has ever seen here, but just know you may be seeing more of this.  I’m exhausted and more so exhausted of trying to explain myself to people who are supposed to support me, not tear me down.  My goal is to become the fire that is causing havoc in my life right now and not run and fear it.  So, I hope to update you all on my journey and let you know how things are going.  I have a series of different appointments with doctors coming up and I’ll be writing about those here as well… so stay tuned.

Anyway – on to Sunday letters…

Dear Kevin, my husband – You have been an unwavering support system for me and I didn’t expect anything otherwise.  I’m so thankful you are my rock for me to vent to and my shoulder to cry on and there is a reason why you are my best friend.  I don’t know how I could have gotten through these last several months without you.  Thank you for being there for me.

Dear God – Please, please give me the strength to be able to get passed this time in my life.  Whatever the issue with my body that seems like it’s failing me, please heal my body of its ailments and help to give me peace.  Please give me the strength to walk away from those that claim to be my friends but don’t realize they are putting me down while they are thinking that they are lifting me up.  And, please give me the courage to get my health back on track and my mind back to being and thinking positively.

Dear Friends (those that I talked about in this post) whether you are family or friends, this letter is for you.  I don’t despise you.  I don’t hate or and I’m certainly not mad at you, but more so disappointment in your actions.  You can be mad that I chose this route to discuss it, but I didn’t mention any names.  I can only hope and pray that God opens your eyes to how much you have hurt me.  I’m not hopeless or someone who is without hope for the future, I’m simply in a little bit of a rut at the moment.  Instead of pushing me down and making me feel more like crap and putting me deeper in depression, how’s about you offer positive reinforcement to help.  I don’t hate you, but can only hope that you can be a more positive influence instead of constantly tearing me down.

Signed,

Signature Honey

SELF PURCHASED / AFFILIATE LINKS

 

Whew, this week has certainly been a busy one for me and my family.  Between Football Practice for my eldest – five times a week and just keeping on top of the homework and mommy duties, I feel like I’m being pulled in twenty different directions, but hey – such is life.  It seems like forever since I’ve done a Sunday Letters post or shared my week on Instagram, but it’s been on my list of posts to keep up with the last several months and I’m doing my best to hold myself accountable.  If I can keep up with it, then woohoo for me.  So let’s get into it, huh?

Sunday Letters And My Week On Instagram - August 10th to August 16, 2015

I am so super proud of myself being able to keep up with posting on my blog each day of the week.  I released eight blog posts this week which means I’m getting back into a good routine for myself.  This week started off a bit funky though.  The boys were home from school on Monday and Tuesday – since they are back at school again, they are getting sick again so all of them had Strep Throat… errrr…

Besides all of that, I was able to pull out some ColourPop goodness this week and play makeup.  I spend most of the summer without any makeup on because it is so hot, but I was feeling inspired this week so I decided I would play with some of my favorite Fall makeup colors.  Can you tell I’m looking forward to Fall?

I also got two beautiful Milani Rose Blushes in the mail.  I shared one with all of you, but the other I’ll be posting sometime this week.  It’s gorgeous and oh my gosh – if you have been following me a while – you know my absolute addiction with these blushes.  The two new additions are beautiful.  I also got the eye brow gel, Amore Matte liquid lipstick in Lust (wish I got more colors available) and a new Bella Eyes Shadow in Dulci.

Overall – it was a very busy and eventful week and I certainly enjoyed settling down and just relaxing through the weekend.  😀

Sunday Letters

Dear Monday, Why are you here already?  It seems as if you have come too soon and I’m not ready for you.  Please be nice to me, I think I deserve a little break.

Dear Honey (me) – I am proud of all you have accomplished this past week and all you continue to accomplish. It’s been a crazy week and things are not expected to slow down.  Pace your self, take your time and know that you always get it done.  Don’t be too hard on yourself, you can do it – you always do!

Dear Luke & Isaiah (twins) – Mommy is so proud of all you are doing in school and I’m so glad you love school as much as you do.  Keep up the great work, Mommy & Daddy love you.

Dear Kevin (Kaeo) – It amazes me each day you get up and get ready for school knowing what you have on your plate for the day.  Between your honors classes and Football and your commitment to school and band, I am always in awe of all you continue to accomplish.  Mommy & Daddy are so proud of you.  Love you!

Dear Kevin (the hubby) – I love you!  It’s been a long week for us, but you keep me going and keep me happy.  I love you and thank you for being able to handle this crazy loon you call your wife. <3 xo

Dear Upcoming Week – Well, hello there… it seems as if you have started in a blink of an eye.  I welcome you with open arms and I know we will kick some major butt this week.  So – challenges, I welcome them!  Looking forward to you!

Best wishes to all for a wonderful week! xo

Signature Honey

Happy Sunday Love bugs.  I’m stopping in to say hi a bit, but I also really want to start blogging daily (if at all possible) and I miss my Sunday Letters posts.  Yesterday I started a weird aching pain in my ear, near the cartilage that seems to force itself into my ear and half of my head.  It’s kind of an odd pressure but it has been causing me some crucial migraines today since waking up this morning.  Because of this, I got a terribly late start and I’m not too happy about that… because that means, things on my “To Do” list have really taken a back seat today.

So how is everyone doing today and how was your weekend?  There are so many things happening this week and I’m very excited for them.  While today was super hot and humid and muggy, I am looking forward to cooler weather this Fall.  Hawaii doesn’t really experience season changes and unfortunately we don’t have leaves that really change colors as Autumn approaches (that makes me sad), but you can certainly feel the difference in the breeze and chill factor.  This coming weekend my husband and I make 17 years together as a couple… our “Going Out” or “Dating” anniversary.  We don’t have anything planned because his week at work is pretty hectic, but nonetheless, I’m excited for the day.  And, Grey’s Anatomy’s new season is just days away… trust me when I say this ex Medical Surgical Tech can’t wait to watch all the drama unfold. lol

I also have been seeing all the rave for the new iPhones, lol.  I own a Samsung Galaxy Note 2 and I’ve had it now for almost two years and my phone is still going strong with no problems.  I have a lot of iPhone friends, but I think I’ll stick with the original “piece of toast” phone… and know that when it’s time to upgrade, I’ll be sticking with another Android phone, probably another Samsung.  I know that people have their favorites, but I have never been a fan of iPhone or iTunes… I’m Pro Android all the way. lol  Just figured I’d throw that in.  If you are a friend of mine that loves iphone, I have nothing against ya. lol j/k

The Annual Pumpkin Patch should be in full swing soon, so I know you’ll be seeing some photos of us there when we take the boys.  I’m excited!  The twins will be visiting the patch with their classmates for Pre-school, but every year we take them to pick our carving pumpkin.  I can’t wait to go.  🙂

Hoping you all had a wonderful weekend and wishing you a fabulous rest of your week!

xo